A Journey Into Motherhood Part 2- The Birth of My Daughter

I was pregnant for the second time before my son's first birthday. I know, we're crazy. Everything was going according to plan (ha!...that word again!). I was healthy, baby was healthy. I kept busy with playdates for my son & everyday life with a toddler. Before I knew it, I was 38 weeks +5 days pregnant & in labor.

After a couple of restless nights, I found myself yet again, awake at 4 AM. This felt different. I felt a familiar heaviness in my pelvis & had my "bloody show" when I got up to use the restroom. I immediately crawled back into bed between Josh & Johnny & just cried. I wasn't ready. I needed more time. Josh kind of laughed at me & told me to try to get some rest because it could be a long day.

I tried to rest but the familiar adrenaline rush started, and I began to have some mild cramps. I had been walking around for a few weeks at 4cm dilated so we were under strict doctor's orders to go straight to the hospital at the first sign of labor, even if we were unsure. No laboring at home this time around. I got up & told Josh to "Get ready but stay out of the bathroom because I'm going to shower but I'm leaving the door unlocked in case I need you. But get dressed!" ...Y'all.

I. Was. A. Mess.

I called Josh's oldest sister to let her know it was time & that we needed her & her fiance to keep Johnny...no answer! I immediately called my mom...no answer! It was 4AM, after all. I yell out of the bathroom for Josh to get someone to the house for Johnny & right about then my mom called me back. I asked her to head to my house to drive us to the hospital & to stop on the way & wake my sister in law. I texted my doula to let her know we were heading to the hospital & that she should meet us there. When I got out of the shower, the house seemed so crowded. My son was awake, my husband was running around packing his bag & everyone was kind of congregated in our kitchen.

I got dressed, threw a couple of last minute items in my hospital bag, kissed my son & my mom & I headed out to her car. We waited...and waited...and waited for Josh. It was 5:30AM. I was having to focus through contractions & we were STILL IN THE DRIVEWAY. One hundred years later, Josh climbs into the car with a fresh cup of coffee & my mom & I just look at each other like, Is he for real right now? He has a way of making the most nerve wracking moments turn into hilarious ones. We just laughed. It's so much like him to not be bothered or hurried by anything. My mom & I gave him a hard time, saying, "Thanks to you we'll probably have this baby in the car!" He said, "So? I can deliver a baby!" He is too much, y'all. TOO MUCH.

We stopped for a small breakfast at a convenience store. I think I just got some juice to go with the toast I made at home & my mom got a Dr Pepper (of course). Josh acted super offended when we didn't even ask him if he wanted anything & we laughed some more. We were finally on the move.

This car ride was NOTHING in comparison to the one during my first labor. I was able to breathe through the contractions. I stayed calm & my mom & Josh kept me laughing. I don't remember arriving at the hospital, but I remember leaning on the admission desk while they gave me armbands & had me sign a few things. It was much better than the first time.

By the time I was settled into my room, it was 6:15AM & I was already 7 cm dilated. My doula had arrived at the same time as us & she kept busy applying heat to my lower back & using counter pressure on my hips. I changed positions SO MANY TIMES. I wasn't crying, I wasn't in any "real" pain. Just a lot of pressure & intensity with contractions. I made low "moo-ing" sounds & I honestly wasn't having a hard time at all. I was so surprised. It was nothing like the sharp, intense pain of my first labor. My nurses were in total shock & disbelief that I was in "transition" & laughing between contractions. I had to stay quiet & close my eyes to stay focused during the contractions, but it was honestly not bad at all. By noon, I sent Josh to feed himself because I was doing okay & I didn't want him to be starving. He left the room at about 12:30 PM. At each check, I was still at 7 cm. I wasn't progressing. I kept telling myself, Okay, this isn't bad. Let me try to make it one more hour without medication or an epidural & we'll reassess to see if I want one after that. "One more hour" eventually turned into SEVEN HOURS.

focusing on my breathing

 I changed positions again to try to ease the pain. I was facing the back of the bed & leaning on it like a chair. While I knelt like that, the nurses began talking about breaking my waters so that I might progress. I told them I really didn't want to do that, but that I knew it could be what nudged things along. As I turned around, my waters broke on their own! "Well, I guess I don't have to make that decision!"

At 1:30 PM we decided to start a low pitocin drip to help me go that last 3 cm. Josh was still in the waiting room having his lunch, (the person who brought his food was lost for an hour) so I made the decision with my mom & doula. My mom didn't want me to do it without pain medication because she was afraid it would hurt me too much. I decided to try it anyway & take things 30 minutes at a time. My nurses agreed to come check on me in 30 minutes & I let Josh know what was going on via text.

I hated the monitors

At 1:45 PM I had moved to my back in an upright position (kind of sitting). I started having a strange sensation. It was intense. I was pushing, ready or not. I texted Josh to head back to the room ASAP. I told my doula & the nurses but I don't think they believed me. I couldn't stop it. This baby was coming QUICKLY. I looked at my mom & she tried, again, to get the nurses to call the doctor because I was pushing. Still, they weren't taking us seriously. They just kept telling me to "try not to push" Ummm yeah, okay...NOT! My mom was finally fed up & pulled the emergency call string at the head of the bed! She asked the charge nurse over the intercom to call the doctor because I was pushing...NOW!

I remember Josh being at my side suddenly & holding my hand. I think I hurt him at one point because he tried to shift his hand & I was so scared he was going to leave my side that I just squeezed tighter. My doula had me doing "horse blows" with every involuntary push. It was an intensity like I had never felt before. Not outright painful, but so intense. I felt the "ring of fire" that they tell you about & announced to my nurses "she's coming!" Sure enough, HER HEAD WAS OUT & that's literally what it took to get my nurses to take me seriously.

Right then, the doctor came in yelling, "Oh my God! Scrub me! Everyone scrub!" She was furious that she hadn't been called sooner. She told me to hold my legs up because they had been resting on the bed & as Josh & the doula helped me, I pushed one last time & June Marie Hazelett was born at 2:16 PM, right as the doctor sat down. She didn't even have time to put gloves on. June was born straight onto the table. No one caught her. The doctor picked her up in a receiving blanket & handed her to another nurse while she finished scrubbing in. They gave her to me & I was just so in shock over how quickly it had all happened.

The doctor delivered the placenta, Josh cut the cord, & I got a couple of stitches but I don't really remember any of that. I just remember looking around in total shock. I couldn't (still can't) believe I did that. I gave birth without any pain medication. What?!

Josh resting after a long day

My nurses later told us that they just couldn't believe I was actually pushing because I had only been on the pitocin for 15 minutes & I was still so calm. It was one of the few unmedicated births either of them had ever seen & I was the only pain medication free momma who never screamed out or said "I can't do it" even once. I told them that was because it literally took all the energy I had to focus through the intensity & try to process what my body was doing.

Every woman is different. Every pregnancy is different. Every labor is different. There is really no way to prepare yourself because there's no way of knowing how its all going to happen. Don't stress over expectations & birth plans. In the end, you'll find your own way to be at peace with however it happens. I think my experience may be partially to blame (among so many other things) for triggering the postpartum psychosis that I went through (another post for another day). It wasn't painful, but it was so fast. I couldn't really process it. It just happened.

Now, a year later, I've come to terms with it all & I'm still in such awe of the strength & power my body had/has. I made two humans & birthed them. One of them without pain medication. Wow. Women are amazing. I don't know if this is the end of "becoming" a mother for me. I don't know if we'll be able to experience this process again, but I know that even if we can't, I'm so blessed to have experienced it not once, but twice. 

Feel free to share your birth stories with me! Medicated, unmedicated, hospital, birth center, home birth, induced, c-section, even from Dad's point of view...they're all incredible stories & I think the more we share with each other, the more we'll realize we're all the same in the end. We're all parents. 

we tried to take a selfie...the baby wasn't even in the frame

Josh's best "Blue Steel"

we decided to leave the photos to the professional

photo by Heather Gallagher

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